Withdrawal

I just recently found out my brother is going through some rough stuff dealing with him moving back home and his withdrawal from pot. He's been having anxiety attacks and other symptoms pretty normal from marijuana withdrawal. The thing is, he had been doing it for almost 2 years, pretty much every single day. Just recently he quit cold turkey, and he's been having moments of depression, panic and anxiety attacks and lack of sleep and irritability. I was a bit worried and scared at first because my mom was scared. She had never seen him like that and even though I knew about his pot smoking, she didn't. I guess maybe we all knew he did it, but we didn't know it was part of his daily life. What is making it much worse is that he recently got fired from his job. He couldn't go to school this semester because his two classes got cancelled, and his best friend moved thousands of miles away. His moving back from Austin and into our parent's house is probably not helping him either. I researched a couple of things online about withdrawal symptoms and other related topics and found that what he's going through is pretty normal....well not normal, but normal for his case. He got checked by a psychiatrist and he prescribed him some pills...I think they're something like Xanax. Of course my parents as suspicious as they are about everything, asked him to stop taking them to see how he felt. Unfortunately, he does not feel too good without the medication. But, when he's been taking the pills, he sleeps peacefully and has a good day. Aside from being a bit drowsy and tired, the pills are helping him and I'm sure the doctor prescribed them for a reason. Everyone is probably scared that he's going to get addicted to them, but one per day isn't going to harm him. I told him that he needs to take it easy for a while, get back into a new life routine, a life without pot. He needs to take things step by step. He obviously has the support of all of us, his family. He also needs to slowly start finding solutions to the problems he says he has. I love him dearly and I don't want him to be feeling this way. I can't do much but be there for him and listen to him and love him. It upsets me that I'm so far away, but I will get to see him soon.

Hung Up

The glare coming off my monitor from the light coming in through my office window is giving me a headache. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't been eating that well. And, its not like I dont have food. I have plenty of food at home but I just never fix myself anything before coming to work. I never make time for it. I should start cooking myself more. More chicken, more fish, more grains, drink more water. I have been exercising in the evenings, jogging down 16th and around Meridian Hill. It's quite exhausting especially on the way back up. It is quite steep and my legs have been sore. I hadn't run in a while and now that I've started once again, I can feel them burning. I had rice, water and a piece of a snickers bar for lunch. Is that fabulous or what? Training myself to leave behind crap eating habits. Is that why i feel upset at times? Maybe its because I get annoyed at our rommate Erika. She annoys the shit out of me sometimes and I don't even know why. Her mere presence and her behavior, her lack of manners, her loudness, her attitude towards things...all these things make me cringe. Maybe I should be a lot less judgemental and accept other with their flaws and imperfections. Besides, who am I to dislike others. I am not perfect. I hate my own personality sometimes. I hate the way I am towards people. I miss myself, and I mean my inner self. My alone time. My being alone and gathering my thoughts and going places and not telling anyone. I miss just being alone and doing nothing and having the time to miss those who are closest to me and those who I love. I don't want to be alone really. I think I do though. Maybe I do. But I don't know. I love Luis. I know that if he wasn't in my life or around me, I would be very sad. He is my all and my one and only. I can turn to him if I am feeling sad and lonely. But why do I even feel lonely or sad if I have him in my life? I miss my family and friends. This is true. But, Im hung up on Luis. He defines happiness and he is my future. Hung up on him, Hung up on him.

I just heard a snippet (1 min. 20 secs.) of Madonna's new single, "Hung Up". It sounds incredibly amazing and fun. Her new album, Confessions on a Dance Floor is due out in November and this single is hitting radio mid October. The entire album is supposed to be an all dance album, going back to her roots and filled with a very 80s vibe. If you go to the Motorola website, you can hear the song being played as part of their new Motorola Rocker Phone/Ipod gadget intro. The new commercial to advertise the phone, is coming out soon and Madonna is in it. The song contains a sample of Abba's 'Gimme Gimme' too....it sounds very cool. It probably won't be long before the entire song is leaked onto the internet. For now, all I have to do is sit and wait....*yawn*